???

 It just feels like ive been worrying myself sick as of late.. ever since i saw that bum posting my friends face on twitter and finding out stuff about my friend… (spoke about that in my last post) like i just feel sick. I make myself worry to the point my heart rate goes up rapidly and i just feel generally sad and so so conflicted.. i rlly dont know what im supposed to do anymore,, i feel so lost now when I was so sure of myself before. 

I always get myself into situations like this and i hate it i always become friends with the worst people. Not that she’s the worst the friend im talking about is pretty nice but i just get so anxious, im not ready to talk to her again and im scared of her seeing these blog posts about her. 

ive never felt so alone in my days… and its just like my best friend still wont message me at all!!! It just makes me feel so bad. Yk what i mean???? Im so sick I can’t even eat anymore i have pizza right next to me i only ate 1 slice not even the crust and just the smell of it makes me wanna vomit and i hate vomiting more than anything in the world 

I should really stop thinking about this whole thing but I just can’t help it ive never been so conflicted and anxious in my life???? What am I supposed to do anymore im in college!!1 I SHOULD HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER BY NOW and its just so upsetting im supposed to be better this and im supposed to be a better person than this,,, have things figured out and be what im supposed to be. A good daughter,, a good friend a good student most of all but i just can’t handle anything anymore i feel so sick oh my god. And its all of my own doing i made bad decision and now i get to worry myself sick about it. :( 

Ive never felt sadder and i genuinely dont know what to do with myself outside of the internet even AND USUALLY REAL LIFE IS THE BEST YK AS I SAID BEFORE IM SUPPOSED TO HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL AND FIGURED OUT. Now im too anxious I can’t even do college and college NO MATTER HOW MUCH I COMPLAIN ABOUT IT,,, it CALMS ME DOWN… BUT NOW I CANT HELP BUT PANIC ONLINE AND OFFLINE 

I DONT EVEN EAT ANYMORE MY DAD YELLS AT ME SO MUCH BECAUSE I DONT EAT!!! i get so exhausted i forget to lie to my dad about eating so he just yells at me and im just so exhausted all the time I can’t take anything anymore,,